Avoid Avoidance in 2023
Do not mistake talking about the thing with doing the thing
Alok Menon
At the beginning of 2022, I shared a goal with you, of writing bi-monthly newsletters. I haven’t sent one out since early July though. Cringe. Falling short of goals, especially ones publicly pronounced, feels squeamish in my belly.
I wish I had some compelling excuses. But, no. I got busy and well, avoided the discomfort of writing them.
Avoidance of the uncomfortable. I think we all have our own relationship with avoidance. For me, once the feelings of avoidance crop up, I start feeling guilty about the avoidance, which leads to avoidance of the guilty feelings, which compounds the guilty feelings and increases the initial and guilt avoidances. That leads me to stuckness. Stuckness leads me to numbness and paralysis, which loops me back to avoidance. Yikes! What an unnecessary cycle of self -struggle, pain and shame.
Some of my avoidances: Putting off writing newsletters. Shying away from the difficult conversations. Not prioritizing getting to yoga class. Eyeing the lint filled rugs, but not vacuuming. Not expressing sufficient gratitude to a very difficult mom & dad, while they’re alive. Being good and nice instead of setting clear boundaries. And on and on.
While there are valid back stories for some of my avoidances, ‘the best way out is through’ (Robert Frost) is nonetheless, a truth for me.This quote is the equivalent of a long-held yoga posture; sticking with the pose, with breath and openness, to move through the full wave of uncomfortableness. Receiving craniosacral and lymphatic drainage helped me smooth my nervous system so I can tap into resiliency, and move through the stuckness of avoidance. Through these modalities, I strengthen the muscles of ‘best way out is through’ And, (who knew?) writing moves me through also.
I have journaled for years, putting the swirling mayhem of my thoughts down; truths, compassion, rage, clarity and confusion – all of it,onto page after page. Writing a newsletter, though, feels like pulling out my own tooth with slippery pliers. It’s a long, arduous, frustrating and painful task. Why is that?
So, what did the Universe do? In 2022, it gifted me a writing course with Kimmi Berlin, author & educator, who helps people tell their stories. For 6 solid weeks, I toiled through writing assignments, took in feedback and rewrote, again and again. It was hell. And it was liberating.
Kimmi encouraged me to examine experiences at a deeper level – a visceral level. I struggle with dissociation; exploring and communicating my exact experience is super challenging. However, I found a somatic, body/mind, healing in writing these essays.
For me, getting to the other side of avoidance is a wonderful feeling of expansion and self-empowerment. Seeing those rugs lint free, if only for a short time, is ridiculously satisfying. During the hard conversation, I feel like vomiting, but afterwards, I feel more present and free, even when there’s still more to talk through.
I realized that setting a newsletter goal without fully comprehending its benefits, its Why, is just another self- imposed thing to do. Something to want to avoid. This newsletter gives me an opportunity to share my trusted resources with you AND to express myself. To say the things that I am avoiding. You give me the honor of trusting in my care, and I want to reciprocate, by sharing of myself, trusting in you. I apologize, in advance, for not being happy go lucky in these newsletters. I feel too much and too deeply – which is both amazing and really hard.
So, embedded in my annual Self- Goals Statement, I recommit to the goal of a bi-monthly newsletter. I hope that it will be interesting enough for you to read, and perhaps, if you really like it, to pass it along.
What are the things that you’re avoiding? What are the valid reasons you have for avoiding them? What practices help you strengthen the muscles of moving through avoidance? Please share. I am interested in your experiences.
May you and your families have a joyful, healthy, safe and peaceful year, filled with love and laughter and self -growth and ease.
Much gratitude for trusting yourself with me in guiding you towards your own healing. I am honored to walk alongside you.
Blessings on you and your loved ones, Kim